she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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