I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize