He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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