from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm passing your future prison.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize