It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
