are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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