Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize