I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
