after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
