I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Need sex. Gaining weight.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
