Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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