So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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