I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
