Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
