he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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