But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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