i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
