Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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