i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
