new low.... made out with someone while peeing
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
