you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
