i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
