Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
