Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
