hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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