I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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