Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
