Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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