I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
