Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
