break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
