So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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