its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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