these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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