Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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