Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
