I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
