Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
