Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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