my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
