I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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