im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
