My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh god it's open bar.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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