you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
