barbara walters just said penis...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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