I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
