yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
