Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Send help, water and tortillas.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
