I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize