i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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