Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
