She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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