He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
