Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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