So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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