when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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