That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
