GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
