You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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