Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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