if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
