none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
