I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I currently don't understand fingers.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
