whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
