I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
