I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
