He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
