not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
