I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
