can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She said her name was "party"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
